The ABC's of Getting Old 
Copyright © 1/6/06 Gloria Oren

A is for arthritis
those poor aching joints

B is for backaches
from sitting and standing too long

C is for cataracts
making it hard to see

D is for decibel
which rises so one can hear

E is for electrocardiogram
so we know how the tickers doing

F is for floaters
those nasty squiggly lines in the eyes

G is for GERD
no, not the guy, the acid reflux

H is for heartburn
the result of eating things we shouldn't

I is for ingrown toenails
where on earth do they think they're growing?

J is for jargon
the confused, unintelligible talk only you understand

K is for kvetch
the all day complainer, this hurts, that hurts

L is for lipids
we test for every year

M is for malfunction
the common side effect

N is for nutrition
rules you'd rather not have

O is for opinions
abounding in multitudes

P is for pacemakers
replacing the not so hot ticker

Q is for questions
that seem to never end

R is for rapport
you build with your doctors

S is for sanity
sound judgment you hope will never fail

T is for tinnitus
the constant ringing in the ears

U is for unbalanced
when walk becomes waddle

V is for vaccines
against the flu, pneumonia and what not

W is for water
the source of hydration

X is for x-ray
now, how many of these pictures do I have?

Y is for yawning
any time of day

Z is for zest
you hope for but don't seem to have.

There you have it
Old age from A to Z, in 26 words

Arthritis, backaches, cataracts,
Decibel, electrocardiogram, floaters,
GERD, heartburn, ingrown toenails,
Jargon, kvetch, lipids, malfunction,
Nutrition, opinions, pacemaker,
Ques, rapport, sanity, tinnitus,
Unbalanced,vaccines, water,
X-ray, yawning, and zest.

Now that my friend
Is what growing old is all about.